The rest of us enjoy it, I think people dont give the blow job enough credit. By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Posted on June 29, 2022 in gabriela rose reagan. I dont think hes scum based on this either. But, of course, this makes him an asshole. oy. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can. Offset Changes Instagram Avatar to Takeoff Photo After His Death. Francine Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. All rights reserved. Nope, not at all, she just goes on living life unchanged. But cest la vie. Yes, its true it is past the point. Idiots like the guy in the letter, dont. They can both make a choice but only Susie must physically implement the plan. You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. While I am pro-choice, I would never have an abortion. Thats the responsible thing for anyone to do after having unprotected sex and before beginning a new relationship. Thats all well and good except it didnt happen and now theyre in this situation. or if shes just done too many drugs or something and her brain is rotting away. April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. Everyone experiences the ups and downs of a relationship differently, and the same goes for breakups. Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. And yes it a double standardoh wait men dont have uteruses, silly me. Fine, Ill support you in raising the child, but Im not prepared to be a dad. Yes, it is the less than desirable course to take but he is, in a way, owning up to his responsibility (monetarily). So I have a pretty positive impression of my biological father. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. If you are sure to always love, support, and listen to your child, he/she will be just fine! Can you blame me for feeling this way? If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. These are very common questions going through a guy's mind when he finds out his ex had a baby with someone else and now wants him back. If this woman wants to have the child, then she can have it: why is it up to you or your boyfriend to tell her she cant? Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): A He should be angry at himself for choosing to take his chances, knowing the possible outcomes. Then they want to fight for the loser like hes some sort of prize! You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. Whats your lawyers address? That fact just rubs me the wrong way. Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. Hi guyssssss,I wanted to share a storytime video with you guys since it has a lot to do with the reason I moved to LA and a lot to do with who I am today!Sid. Who knew? He didnt come chasing after you. Yes? Youre right, it could be unenforceable. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? A condom would have prevented this whole thing AND protected you from STDs. silver_dragon_girl What I see is a huge surge of anger at the guy and all sorts of reflections on what type of person he must be, and relatively little anger towards the woman, whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct. Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. Oh, me too! And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. theQuietOne SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. -Got her pregnant Why are you standing up for mens right to bang a chick they have known two minutes without a condom and have no consequences for THEIR actions. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. illinois obituaries 2020 . Is it 100% fair to men or women? Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? What happens if you get pregnant? And I would believe him that he has no interest in her other than convenience. But I think that both people have equal responsibility and equal rights in expressing a view. I think she is just trying to trap my man, who is untrappable. But it also ought to be her responsibility. Its not a crime to have unprotected sex, dangerous and irresponsible, but not a crime. any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion- Yes, that is terrible of the man in question. April 9, 2012, 9:39 pm. April 10, 2012, 7:25 pm. The law does, because once the child is here, through no fault of its own, it needs to be supported in order to have a successful life and successful children are in the best interest of all of society. Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. There is no child at conception very good. Honestly, I did grow up craving a strong male presence in my life and have always gravitated towards male professors or bosses who wee willing to play the role of mentor. Oh I completely agree! I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. Its that theyre more likely to be honest about not wearing them when something bad results. Shed be less of a real woman if she left the kid on its fathers doorstep and went off footloose and fancy-free while he was left to raise it all alone. You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? This LW really doesnt get a say in the matter, true, but if I were her Id take one look at the boyfriends actions and attitudes and dump him. Thats fd. I feel like a part of me has died . SweetsAndBeats thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. lets_be_honest If he isnt willing to be there for his kid, wanted or not, then what happens when you get pregnant? If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. Jess of CGW And should. I think the hes a scum is more about not wanting anything to do with a child that he helped create and trying to brow beat this woman into having an abortion. Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop(Atria Books June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books November 2010; $15). The system you propose that if conception is not by mistake and if the man does not decide early on that he doesnt want to be responsible, then he should be obligated to that child is the craziness system ever. So, to be clear, every woman who has had an abortion is, in your mind, an immature asshole. I still think the guy is an irresponsible dick, and the LW is acting like a brat, but I dont want to make any assumptions about his activities post the LW when we actually have zero information about it. And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. He begged me not to go, but I left anyway because I didnt think things would change and I wanted him to see what life was like without me in hopes hed run after me. reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) Im not arguing that he should be able to force an abortion. You have to grow up and stop this childish immature desiring for a man who keeps you hanging around. Chuck Pelto Malarky. anyway, well, I've been discovering that I found out she's pregnant by someone last oct that she met. But Susie is looking forward to going away to college. Yes, he had unprotected sex. Once you decide to have sex you are basically saying that you realize pregnancy is a possibility. (yes, I know, lifes unfair). she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. Thats reality. bittergaymark But let me make a few suggestions Steve. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. I gave him a green flag to make his decision and let him off the hook for any and all care and support, so long as such decision was irrevocable. April 9, 2012, 10:29 am. April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? Shall I and all the other taxpayers? Recently he ended the affair and told this woman to have no further contact. The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. What a laugh. If her fiance adopted the child, then he is the legal father and she would go after him for Child Support. You deserve that label for attacking a woman that you dont even know, for trying to blame her for sperm-jacking your loser boyfriend and for suggesting that she is trying to trap him. We've joined the BHM Digital family of websites and have updated our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. So give yourself the time you need to work through this experience. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. female we broke up and he got another girl pregnant. April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. I just disagree that sexual preference has anything to do with how likely one is to use a condom all the time. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. Who are we talking about now? First of all, they knew each other for two months, not two minutes. If you choose to roll those dice against any odds you have yourself to blame if they dont land in your favor. He still has to pay. What the LW needs to do is take a deep breath, wait a long time for this situation to resolve, and then decide what she wants to do. I wish it's that easy. AndreaMarie No worries. On the other hand, once Im in a committed and loving relationship, I like giving blow jobs, even though I dont have any physical satisfaction from it. Its one thing that he says he will pay for it (Im assuming this means child support), but a true father doesnt just look at this as a once a month payment for 18 years. I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. I mean for fuck sake? He could have also said he wants the baby, and the LW is lying. reader, Junebug2589+, writes (22 November 2008): A Women have complete reproductive autonomy, but as far as I know it is impossible to become impregnated without a man somewhere in the equation. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. Steve Kellmeyer Thats what IVF is for either the male or the female gives of their own gametes. When a woman tells you that shes on the pill, whether its true or not, and you believe that means that you cannot impregnate her you are the idiot. But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. Not with hormonal BC, not with 2 methods of BC, not when one of the individuals has been sterilized. April 9, 2012, 11:54 am. April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they havent been together two minutes! Its her body, there is a million reasons she might choose to have this child, even if she never so much as speaks to your prince again. Just sayin. AndreaMarie If this happens, he STILL should not be welcomed back. This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. As a dude, this letter brings up several thoughts. & he tells me now, the mother agreed to take the child & look after the child, & he will leave the baby mama for me, because he loves me. And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? Therefore, why are you depressed? April 11, 2012, 11:50 am. My above reenactment was not a true depiction of the dialogue I believe took place. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. LW, why are you directing all of your anger at this other woman? People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. And to the LW your boyfriend is not the victim in all of this. I believe I saw the C-word used at least once. And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. In any event, Im happy to hear what youve shared already! You are in a relationship where you are the one responsible for everything. I think its the first time I am hearing someone smear another person for NOT having an abortion. But if she is not YOU need to decide if you can handle your boyfriend having a child with another woman. If hes such an awful scumbag, why would you want to force him to be a father. April 9, 2012, 1:05 pm. yes he doesnt seem like much a catch, but to say he exposed her to STDs! is a stretch. Dude, thats seriously out of line. I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. April 10, 2012, 10:28 am. But still. He was clearly having unprotected sex with at least one other person. Is it Dear Wendy gender wars with the emotional females leaping to conclusions and bullying the open minded fair males who dare to object to name-calling and double standards? And for some reason people always seem to have the idea that it wont happen to them. I dont believe in forcing people to become parents either. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? Long story short he ended up comeing to his sences and we got back together a month or so before our son was born. April 9, 2012, 12:32 pm, Well to start theres this ridiculous bit of misogyny and what seems like lack of understanding of child support: one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met.. She cant afford a child on her own. Heres a thought experiment for you: Come on! Scummy is the wrong word to use. Our resident male troll is back and defending his gender. Second, after all this talk of how disgusting he was for supposedly not using a condom, not knowing her all that long, etc., why no talk about this woman doing the exact same thing (number it takes to tango = 2) and having to deal with the consequences? Even if you had a vasectomy. April 9, 2012, 2:54 pm. Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. I agree with SweetsandBeets. As a woman, you have control over that. Takeoff Shot in Head and Torso, According to Coroner Report, Aaron Carter Pulled Over On Suspicion Of DUI While Driving RV. it happens. original. bittergaymark Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. Meaning, a woman SHOULD ask the guy who knocked her up what he would like. Example: Couple agrees to the set-up evanscr05s friend did. Your constant blatant disregard for others is increasingly more and more shocking Plus it is only the heteros that are so steadfast and determined to keep fucking people like me over and over All the while, claiming they want smaller government Then get the FUCK out of my bedroom and out of my fucking life. Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. If he doesnt think hed be a good dad, he probably wont be. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. I dont care. It;s an even bigger dickish move, dare I say cuntish move to fucking LIE about being on the pill to get knocked up Or maybe shes just a fucking idiot and cant figure out how to follow the directions on a prescription bottle. Weird question. female Theres nothing wrong with casual sex. April 9, 2012, 11:41 am. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. It just doesnt mean that everything will be acceptable whole-heartedly. April 9, 2012, 6:16 pm. So, youre wondering what is it about her that he is willing to commit himself and give his all to her. Not to mention raising the baby, which women are way way WAAAYYY more likely to do alone than men. I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother. He says it's a mistake and just did it to forget me. All I can say is therapy. (youve already split for two months, for reasons you didnt even mention). It doesnt even come close. Sue Jones April 9, 2012, 3:01 pm, Well, I have to just give the opposite side of this that 1. at least he plans to financially provide for the child and 2. if someone is so adament about not wanting children as he seems to be, then all are probably better off giving the child to the mother only which is a hell of a lot like adoption. If the father is ready to accept 100% responsibility for his actions and keep the child, but the woman, not ready for motherhood, wants to abort the child and move on, what do we call this woman? Were looking at this situation through the eyes of his ex whos pissed off that he knocked up this other woman but seems pretty bound and determined to get back with him. April 10, 2012, 10:56 am, hes angry with the way this has worked out. A pregnancy, especially an unplanned one with no real relationship behind it is not a reason to stay together. He didnt expose her to STDs. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? Having read some of the (ahem) well-reasoned responses to my post (and your response), I realize the interwebs are probably not the best place to argue the merits of paternity law. Your ilk will perish from a lack of procreation. Knock it off. They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. And that, fair or not, men do not have the option to compel an abortion or opt out of their financial obligation for any resulting children. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. Guy Friday When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. No one called him a criminal. reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): A iseeshiny So long as he isnt raping people, who are you to say he has no right to have unprotected sex? I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. But, they both had lawyers. He sounds wholly unlikable so I think its doubtful she wants anything to do with him, especially now. April 10, 2012, 6:58 pm. Or perhaps youre a world-wise know-it-all 19 year old who heard everything you regurgitate here from your Womens Studies professor bitter after falling for the same sure I love you baby slickster line you mentioned above. he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. Or shes against abortion. I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. Heres how I interpreted it. Personally, I wouldnt. Even people who do want to have one often suffer from some kind of depression or at least sadness. Though Ill grant you one concession: Not having this man in a childs life might be a blessing in disguise. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Here he chose not to wrap it up now he made a child. Now after checking his texts, why did you confront the other women? She should think long and hard about that reason and not take her former bf back. Id be more concerned with him having unprotected sex with someone HE just met. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. The fact that you just knew your boyfriend got another girl pregnant before you start dating him shows that both of you is lacking a good communication way. April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. She says she thinks shed like to keep it. Also I disagree with the logic that if you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. (Well assume she is pro life for non religious reasons because Im not sure why a religious person would be fine with banging after two minutes thats a whole other can of worms). To clarify, I am NOT living with HIV. It doesnt sound like shes ready or willing to deal with him having fathered a child, especially if he changes his mind and wants to be a part of its life. April 10, 2012, 7:09 pm. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. April 10, 2012, 7:42 pm. But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. I know that everyone is focusing on that, but I think that the response would have been the same even if the LW had acknowledged this. i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. Ill never in a million years get it. Please. Neither is that birth control is not infallible. I would suggest that the man under discussion would not be sponge-worthy. It really isnt fair, but that doesnt mean we have to make it more unfair. 2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. Eggzactlee, though I dont burn effigies as we have Spare the Air days in CA. Its not really his right to decide whether or not she keeps the baby. You have a lot of personal issues to deal with, little boy. Or, she may have seemed supportive during the relationship, but . I chose to have a baby. Wow..two mintueswhen did he realize he couldnt stand her before or after the two minutes? So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. But because I am perfectly fine with pregnancy being a strict liability issue. hi there! Whats the matter? April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. So for someone I love and care deeply about, its enjoyable. Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. Im really astounded that you would say something so flippant like women can get support for 20+ years, as if its nothing! I would like to believe that someone near my dads own age would have more sense than this. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. But then, I guess I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. Most guys will not pass up good sex and they . I can assume, at age 40, this man may not want to have children ever, but he knows how babies are made. Yes, its shitty. Francine Here 13 common reasons guys start missing and try to go back to their ex. By this point I had already invested so much in the relationship that I wanted it to work regardless, but no matter how much I tried he didnt want to immediately get back together. I dont think the LW can handle a relationship where another woman has her mans child. Your biological child. Thanks for noticing, though. April 9, 2012, 9:16 pm. April 9, 2012, 11:08 am. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. But the LW could be using selective words to paint him in a certain light, such as replacing upset with furious. So me making it a laid-back scenario is no more absurd than making it a scenario where he a shitty human. Anyway, people are calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a woman he was dating. It can pick up cells from a previous ejaculation, but peeing flushes them off. You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. And it wont be you for very long. End. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. Thats nature, Tim. It is due to his own stupidity if he thought that a single sexual encounter could not produce a child, that birth control pills would definitely prevent him from impregnating someone or that he could legally opt out if a pregnancy occurred. No. In the state I live in, you can leave a baby (or even child I think) in a church or hospital if you do not want the child and you will not get in any trouble for it. That can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on your views of abortion, where you are in your life, who your partner is, etc. Thanks for the clarification. . Go on about it all you want though. I get from the tone of your letter that you are bitter. Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. If there was a child at conception, abortion would be murder.
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